Chapter Two; Meet Olivia

Ive been trying to figure out how to write about me. Most of the time I have to talk or write about me its fake or the few positive qualities I have. This blog will all about my struggles with my mental health so this post will be hard. 

My labels:

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder

Generalized Anxiety Disorder  

Major Depression Disorder

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Panic Disorder 

Agoraphobia

Mood Disorder

Suicide 

Migraine 

My labels don't defined me, but are a huge part of me.

I think WILL do a blog about each one, until then let me tell you a bit about myself.

So some things about me....

My name is Olivia Rene.

 I love going by Liv, or Livvy. 

Very rarely do I like being called Olivia, but I never tell anyone that. 

I hate being called Olive, I was bullied by a girl in middle school who used to call me olive. 

I'm 23 years old, but have been threw more sh*t then a 70 year old.

My childhood was rough. 

I was emotionally abused by my parents, and bullied really badly all through school.

Animals have always been my outlet, my happiness. 

My parents did everything possible to keep that from me.

Making friends isn't my strong point, I over think every friendship and will cut people out of my life in a blink of an eye.

Ive tried to kill myself more times then I can count between the ages of 14 and now, 23.

I hate myself, and I hate the way I look.

I feel like I can never do anything right and make people miserable.

People love to abandon me, my mentor did and broke my heart.

I love harder then anyone. 

I love love. 

I love telling people I love them. 

Hugs are my favorite, and I will hold on to you until you pull away.

I can go from butterflies and rainbows to black skies and darkness in a snap. 

I push away the people I love the most, but crave for their love.

 But I don't let people love me. If you love me, I'll push you away. Art is my favorite. 

I'm my biggest bully when it comes to my art, but I love it. Anytime I can be around animals I take it. 

Being around people I don't know scares me.

Being around people I know scares me even more.

I like to over think every possible situation and think the worse. 

I suck at writing and spelling but I try my hardest.

I always give 100% and will always keep my word.

I hate taking my medicine, and if I had it my way I wouldn't take it.

I have to take it to keep me mentally alive.

I'm overwhelmed as I write this. I'm crying as I write this. 

I cry a lot. I wish I didn't cry as much as I do. I hate putting myself out there. 

I hate being open with people. 

Ive been taken advantage of. 

I don't trust people. 

I trust animals.

 I feel crazy. 

I wish I was normal. 

I love pink and glitter. 

I see in black & white.

 My life is always is in black and white, but I try to shine.